I got sick for a few days and started to wonder why am I doing this? What is the point? Who will listen? Does all of this work suck?
And then I realized that being a little under the weather (I was sick) just gets you down and the energy gets sucked out of you but we did the artist talk today with new new artists and my energy returned.
This new group is quite different from the last group (I MISSSSS YOUUUUU!). There are 2 writers, a director, an interdisciplinary artist and a water colour painter and Naakai who was with me last month. It will be exciting to watch a whole new group of of talented people evolve .
When I first came here I wanted to reinvent myself (I brought a pink wig and a cowboy hat) and the intension was to embrace my shadow self or my imagined self but now I think I just want to be myself – all the flaws and inconsistencies. I want to own that part of me that feels too old and too whatever else to perform and just be and to take up space in the world that we all deserve to take a little piece of.
Last night I had a cup of tea (and mayyyybe a tiny shot of whiskey that Anne left) with Naakai and we started talking about how we try to remember words in Icelandic and something set us off and we had that belly laugh that makes you cry and then every-time you look at each other it all starts again and you just exist entirely untethered in a moment.
I am rethinking exactly how I am going to take advantage of these last few weeks here. I have written 5 songs and 3 collaborations and now I would like to record the songs.
Now that I am in the basement of Bjarmanes I have the time and space to make noise and start recording the bits and pieces. I will never be able to recreate this feeling in a studio so even though it may not be perfect sound I am going to try to get the pieces finished and ready to perform.
So why AM I doing this?
To exist in a moment.